When I was 4 my parents went their separate ways. They were young and crammed 3 kids into 3 years. It just wasn't working. My dad was soon stationed in California (we live(d) in central IL) (he was in the marines) and there was no way my mom was gonna ship 3 little kids off for visits and so there was never an agreement established to continue any kind of relationship with him. The last time I saw him was right before I turned 5. I have very little memories before then.
We moved in with my mom's parents and my mom eventually met a guy (a couple months later) at a church thing. He asked her out and ended up proposing on the first date I do believe and they were married 3 months later. Sounds creepy, I know, but he turned out to be a wonderful blessing. He'd been married before but never had kids but he took on the role of parenthood with determination to do his best. I remember him reading parenting books and his bible a lot. He would discipline with love and patience and he brought stability. He brought security. I loved him right away and he became DAD. Sometime later for one reason or another my biological dad gave up his parental rights so that our 'new' dad could adopt us.
I admire both for this decision. One for acknowledging our need for stability and the other for officially taking on the role of fatherhood. Who marries a girl with 3 kids!? AND takes care of them!? (turns out both did but we'll get to that later)
So, from then on, our little family was established and we had a pretty normal life. When I was 12 or so my parents wanted to try and have more kids. Turns out my mom couldn't so they started the adoption process. When I was 14 they adopted 2 babies within that same year, 8 weeks apart. And so, our family grew to 7. My dad does not have any children of his own but is more of a father then a lot of dads and loves us all as his own. I admire him so much. He took on the role of fatherhood 22 yrs. ago and has done a wonderful job, though he would never admit that. He will always be my DAD and said with true endearment.
Skip ahead to last year....
Towards the end of last year, for reasons too personal, our biological dad got in contact with us again. I was flooded with a mix of emotions. I felt pain I didn't know was there. I felt love. I felt anger. Well, just about every feeling really. And it was an emotional roller-coaster for a good month or so before I made the decision to move past what I was feeling and just try and start a relationship with him. The moment I made that decision I was more of a mess though. I didn't know how to feel. I just felt so raw and exposed. I was treading on unfamiliar waters. I knew that I was making the right decision but it was such a confusing time for me.
I learned that I had a brother, Charlie, that was 21 yrs. old and who had lived within 30 miles of me his whole life. His mom, Melinda, and my dad got pregnant with him soon after my parents' divorce. She was young and didn't feel that getting married and moving with him to CA, at the time, was the right decision. And so he moved on to CA (he didn't have a choice because he was getting stationed there) and eventually married again and they had a girl. My sister, Timari, who is 17. That marriage did not work out and they eventually parted ways and some time later Charlie's mom, Melinda, and my dad got back together when he moved back. By now she had 2 more kids from her previous marriage. My dad jumped in as dad for all three kids and they have been married for 7 years now and have since moved back out to CA.
When I learned all this it was a bit of a shocker. One, that I had a brother I didn't know about and second that my biological dad had been dad to kids that weren't his but yet had remained absent in my life. Selfish, I know, but it was all so new.
A date and time was set to go and meet him and his wife and my new brother. It was the day before Thanksgiving last year. My brother, Nic (24), had already met them and was there. Jen, my sister (25) wasn't ready to meet them yet so Jess and I and our kids headed over to their old house in Bloomington where Charlie was still living. They had flown in from California.
The drive over was a strange one. I was strangely calm yet freaking out a the same time. I grabbed Jess' hand on the last stretch of road between us and them. I knew this was finally the right time to begin a relationship but I had no idea what to expect.
We were greeted at the door warmly. Melinda, his wife, was the first one I saw and then I saw him. My dad. The man I had never stopped loving and never stopped wondering about and I felt this warm connection. We quickly took off our coats and shoes and I hugged Melinda first and then him and a wave of completion came over me. I felt whole. My heart was finally whole. In that moment I remembered his smell and how he called me 'sweetie'. Which is exactly what he said.. 'Hi, sweetie.'
I met Charlie after that and felt an instant bond with him too. We met his wonderful girlfriend, Nicole, and walked into the living room which had been readied for Christmas with the kids and a Thanksgiving dinner. They had covered everything! The kids loved all of them and the whole evening was strangely normal. As if no time had ever passed.
The weather was getting bad and so we headed out. We said our goodbyes to everyone. My dad was helping us into the van with the kids and all the new stuff. I hugged him goodbye, feeling even more at peace, and we exchanged 'I love you's'. The drive home was like walking on clouds. I had 2 dads that loved me and that I loved each in a different way. And then a tinge of guilt swept over me. I quick text my DAD and told him that I felt like I had just cheated on him and that I still loved him very much. He quickly responded and reassured me that all was well and that he loved me too.
The following months up until recently have been a weird game of trying to balance my feelings between the two dads. I've finally made up my mind that they are both dad and I'm blessed to have both in my life. They each mean something different to me but they are both men that love me unconditionally. And so this new life of having two dads and a whole new family has begun and I'm quite enjoying it.
We will be moving out to California within 10 miles from them in about 5 weeks. I can't help but think that this is all part of a bigger plan. Never would I have ever dreamed that my life would be taking this turn. It's an adventure to say the least and one that I've come to embrace with open arms and an open heart.
So, Happy Father's Day to my two dads!
To you, DAD, for always being there and for raising me and for loving me through it all. You have a big special place in my heart forever. Thank you for taking on the role of being my DAD. I love you.
And to you, dad, for giving us a chance at a normal life so many years ago and for pursuing a new relationship with me and my little family now. I love you.
