Well, dear friends...

I am feeling sooo much better. Being honest, to me, is so liberating. And having a super awesome husband helps too.

That evening I tried to refocus on what had gone wrong. And really things aren't that bad. My kids are really awesome. But for being who I am and being off even just a little, really messes with me. I hate not being true to myself and for some reason my babies can bring out the worse in me. And that makes me sad. They are my babies! But one of the challenges to being a parent is learning how to balance it all. And I have far too many expectations from myself. I am only one person. I cannot do it all.

And that is where I am now.

I missed having fun with my kids. (I wanted more then just the weekend when daddy is home) Before we moved here, we lived in a smaller house that we rented and so I didn't feel like I really had to have it perfect. There is still so much I want to do here, but that's just gonna have to wait. Once Faye is a little older (even this fall) I'll be freed up to finish some of the bigger projects.

I've decided that instead of trying to be super mom and separate being a mom from doing everything else (if that makes sense) I'm just including them in my life in everything I do and we're doing things together. (if that makes sense)

For the 2 days I've had to test this new plan of mine, we've had harmony in the house. The kids are happier and I'm happier too! I've found tons more time that I am able to spend doing fun things with them and more guilt-free 'me' time and more time to get the basics done.

Thank you all for your love and support and prayers. I am renewed. I just needed to be a family with my kids again and enjoy my babies. I've taken 'priorities' out of the mix and made them my priorities again. As a mom it's easy to be overwhelmed cause you feel like you have to do it all and then we can get nasty to the very people we love the most. It's a vicious cycle and I am determined to break it. And I feel like I have. But, if ever I feel like that again, I will be quick(er) to be honest and re-evaluate my situation. (I hope!) I feel like this is a safe place. Thank you!