As you can tell my life is pretty much consumed with our children. But what about the man that helps me take care of these kiddos and who helped me make them? (hehe) What about our relationship?
Well, at the moment, it sadly seems non-existent. After almost 6 years of marriage and three little kids, I was beginning to think this is all we had going for us. And I have been sad. Really sad. In fact, I cried over it several times. It could be the post-pregnancy hormones or the fact that I'm approaching 26 (might as well be 30 already in my eyes) but it made me sad nonetheless! Not to mention that my hubby has been sleeping on the couch since baby has been born. Between his snoring and the baby getting up in the night, I was getting no sleep.
I've been praying about this sad situation we seem to be in. I spend every waking moment (it seems like) tending to everyone and everything with little to look forward to that is just for me and him. We have date nights but they aren't anything special. They are mostly an escape from the children just to be able to eat in peace. I never feel refreshed though. Just stupid for going out and wasting money when I could have made something at home that was better.
We actually discussed this just last week. What do people do to have fun together and re-connect? There has to be more to this marriage thing. There has to be a trick to re-connecting after you have children. We had NO clue where to begin.
I began trying to cope and accept the fact that there might not ever be an 'us' again. Just an 'us & them'. I thought our situation to be even more hopeless because there was never really an 'us' it seemed like. We got pregnant with Olivia 3 months after we got married and then I was on strict bed rest for the last three and a half months at the end of my pregnancy. (we celebrated our one year 2 weeks before Olivia was born) And then I began thinking about our future. We hope to be done having children by our 10 year wedding anniversary (four years away). And we hope to have our kids mostly raised by the time we're 40. Our plan was to live it up in our 40's. HA! I wised up when I realized that if we didn't have an 'us' now or until we're 40 then we will be strangers and we'll just grow old and die loving each other (maybe) with our house full of children because making babies might be our only alone time...
And... if I get annoyed now when we try to talk or watch a movie because he falls asleep so fast, he's going to fall asleep even faster in his 40's! My realizations were endless and so further and further my little heart sank. There has to be more to being married parents!
This all might seem a bit dramatized to you. You may have it all together. You may be able to think creatively past diaper changings and dish washing.. But I can't! I'm tired and sad! But enough feeling sorry for myself!
Here is an answer to my prayers! (literally)
Here are two parents that have experienced the same thing we are going through. (and by reading the comments and response, we are really not alone!) Maybe they don't feel as crazy about it as I do, but their goal is to re-connect.
Each week they have a date. Most dates are at home and cost less then $30 (but most are free)
They put the kids to bed and block out a time to spend together. We are talking about an actual thought out date night at home!
They each take a month of dates and plan out the nights. My favorite ideas are: discussing a book that you ea. read, fondue, games, and making a book of how you fell in love for your children. (there are some more ideas here) And through Tiffany's blog, and by all of us linking together, there are going to be even more ideas and inspirations! I'm so excited! (can you tell?)
AND there are rules! To name a few: you cannot do the same thing twice in one month. No kids! No frumpy clothes or pj's. Another one that we'll add in is NO iphones! (they have become our computers and we use them too much)
She asks that you print and sign a pledge and that together you will pledge to dating each other for 52 weeks. I'm predicting that this will be longer for us. (hopfully for a lifetime)
She's already featured another mom with a great idea to make up packets with pre-paid date nights so you really have no excuses! Since I'm a stay-at-home mom (and spend almost every moment at home) I like to get out every now and then. It's not financially possible to go out every week (that is where dating-in comes into play) BUT for those nights where I need out, having pre-paid date nights planned out is a wonderful idea! Her and her husband have included things like - a morning hike followed with breakfast out, theater tickets, dinner and a movie, bowling, and more.
I hope you are as inspired as I am and will take the pledge to date your significant other. I can't wait to hear about your dates! I'll be posting our's!
Thank you makes and takes for sharing!
Each week they have a date. Most dates are at home and cost less then $30 (but most are free)
They put the kids to bed and block out a time to spend together. We are talking about an actual thought out date night at home!
They each take a month of dates and plan out the nights. My favorite ideas are: discussing a book that you ea. read, fondue, games, and making a book of how you fell in love for your children. (there are some more ideas here) And through Tiffany's blog, and by all of us linking together, there are going to be even more ideas and inspirations! I'm so excited! (can you tell?)
AND there are rules! To name a few: you cannot do the same thing twice in one month. No kids! No frumpy clothes or pj's. Another one that we'll add in is NO iphones! (they have become our computers and we use them too much)
She asks that you print and sign a pledge and that together you will pledge to dating each other for 52 weeks. I'm predicting that this will be longer for us. (hopfully for a lifetime)
She's already featured another mom with a great idea to make up packets with pre-paid date nights so you really have no excuses! Since I'm a stay-at-home mom (and spend almost every moment at home) I like to get out every now and then. It's not financially possible to go out every week (that is where dating-in comes into play) BUT for those nights where I need out, having pre-paid date nights planned out is a wonderful idea! Her and her husband have included things like - a morning hike followed with breakfast out, theater tickets, dinner and a movie, bowling, and more.
I hope you are as inspired as I am and will take the pledge to date your significant other. I can't wait to hear about your dates! I'll be posting our's!
Thank you makes and takes for sharing!
4 comments:
oh my goodness! I'm in love with this idea! I know its not as difficult for Aaron and I because we've only got one (as compared to 3) but I love the idea especially of prepaid date nights so you have no excuses! I want to try it too!!
you've got a free babysitter for those nights when you need to get out :) it's such a cute idea!
Stephanie, can I say thank you for being so honest in your post? Those were all the same reasons why Nathan and I started Project 52: Date Nights. And reading your story has been so inspirational. I also realized we had so much in common. I can't wait to read about your dates! It has been good to us the last 5 weeks. I'm sure it'll be the same for you.
Thanks for sharing your story and blogging about it. And I'll look for your link next Tuesday.
BTW, you have such a darling family! And you take great pictures. Such a lovely blog.
Tiffany {Simply Modern Mom}
Wow! This is exactly how I've been feeling lately too! It's been really hard with a new baby and Jon back in school fulltime (plus working fulltime too), we usually just zone out in front of the tv and fall asleep at night. We need to be more intentional, I'm super excited about this! Thanks for sharing, it's good to know we're not alone!
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